There’s Nothing You Can Do For Me I Can’t Do For Myself

22 Aug

My father is a man in the most traditional, Western sense of the word. He loves red meat, can grow a beard on command, and once killed a chipmunk by stomping on it. With bare feet. And in case you couldn’t tell, I adore this man more than anyone that has ever been born or will be born. But? I didn’t marry a man like him. My ex-husband was gentle at times, weak in others, and largely petulant. The only thing he had in common with my father was a love of black pepper.

As a single woman who hopes to have children, if not marry again, I find myself in a mortifying situation. I am an educated, empowered woman. I live alone, take out my own trash, check the oil in my car—all of it. And all I want is a man who can build a fence and grow a beard. This is a desire, not a necessity.  But what I itch for is a strong, traditional male presence in my life. I have to reconcile this with the choices I have made and the belief systems I call my own. Faced with a generation of men raised by women (thanks for that, Tyler Durden), I am bored and exasperated. I don’t know if this makes me a shitty feminist or a shitty person. How can I take a man seriously when he grows ironic facial hair and can’t make a dentist appointment for himself? What is that even called?

I am surprised to find myself with such gender normative preferences, especially at this point in my life. I’m also a little disappointed in myself. Isn’t gender a fluid construct? Shouldn’t I be comfortable making the decisions and building the fences on my own? I don’t know. But right now, I’d rather build the fence alone than have to show someone how to do it.

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3 Responses to “There’s Nothing You Can Do For Me I Can’t Do For Myself”

  1. Kelly Benzin August 23, 2011 at 2:20 pm #

    hey we just had this conversation the other day! ❤

  2. No mittens, no pie August 23, 2011 at 2:25 pm #

    We can’t be the only women having these thoughts. I think it might be a pandemic.

  3. Kelly Benzin August 24, 2011 at 4:24 pm #

    i sadly think it’s our age…

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