A Nice Girl

28 Dec

Of all the bullshit lines I’ve heard from men in my lifetime, my least favorite is, “You’re too nice to date me.”

I hate this more than “I want a divorce” and “I’m homeless” or even “I only have three-way sex.”

I was too nice when I was 18 and a virgin. I’m too nice even now that I’m not 18 and not a virgin. Ten years later, and I’m still hearing it. You’re too nice because you wore white on your wedding day and don’t do drugs and don’t have any diseases. You’re too nice because you work hard and make pie.

When a man says this, what is my recourse? Should I say I’m not a nice girl? I’m not even a girl and largely, I am not nice. But I am good, and I do work hard. If I convince them that I’m not too nice, then suddenly I am not nice enough and he doesn’t want me that way, either. Maybe the jist of it is, he didn’t want me to begin with.

The next time a man says, “You’re too nice for me,” I’m just going to say, “You’re right. I am.” And spin on my heel, and walk away.

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