Leaving Here For Sure

10 Jun

I have lived here for such a long time. I met my husband here. My heart was broken in this city. I built a life and watched it burn down. I built it up again, but it hasn’t been the same. I know it’s time for me to go, but I am fighting. I wanted so badly for this to be my home.

I went to the beach today. I was with a friend, who does not love me like a sister but as more of a help mate. I sat alone on the sand. I sat alone in Lake Michigan, playing in the water where I learned to swim. It was so cold! The waves nudged me and I laughed. I was alone and very happy. And everything was fine, just fine. I know that wherever I go, I will be alone. I am alone when I don’t feel enough love. I am alone because I like dark, cool corners and keeping my own silly company. I am alone because my people are gypsies and we cannot rely on proximity to feed our bonds, to keep us together.

I am leaving. I don’t know when. It might not be for a long while, because I’m afraid. But I will find a new beach. And I will be alone. And it will be fine, as it has ever been and, Lord help me, ever will be.

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