Archive | September, 2012

On Being Good

24 Sep

Things that do not make you a good person, in no particular order:

not eating gluten

eating gluten

getting up early

sleeping in

having a child

not owning a television

watching television

making jam or anything else

growing vegetables

being poor

not being poor

Matter of fact, the only thing I can think of that makes you a good person is acting like a fucking good person. I enjoy being superior as much as the next person, DON’T GET ME WRONG, but I wish we could spend more time being nice to each other and less time measuring our proverbial heirloom locally sourced dicks.

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Just Closed My Eyes

5 Sep

This Saturday morning, I snatched a few hours of sleep and left my adult companion alone with my laptop. During my morning nap, he did the following:

1. Changed my background photo to a photo of him. Specifically, this one

Image

 

That’s a picture of my darling with his sister and a kitten he apparently is about to murder.

2. Sent himself an e-mail from me saying, “Stop sending me stuff you dopey twat.”

3. Saved two odd pictures to my desktop, one of an older man wearing glasses and also a scary depiction of what Mario Brothers would look like if it was real.

4. Opened a Word document and typed out a statistic about brain function.