Archive | January, 2015

Standing Here on this Frozen Lake

26 Jan

I was born in the hallway of the hospital. I came when they were on the road, so I spent my first night on the outside in a hotel. I was in a real hurry to get here. I’ve been on the run ever since.

The other night, I sneaked away from a party held half in my honor (the other half is for Rachelle) and laid my 32 year old bones in the guest bedroom.

I slipped one foot on the floor like my Mama taught me. And as the room pleasantly spun and buzzed, I listened to everyone down below sing and stomp their feet and dance and know all the words to every song by Salt n Peppa. I hovered over the party like a benevolent, tipsy ghost and had such deep relief at someway, somehow getting away with this ridiculous lovely life.

Sometimes I pout and rend my garments, but then I think about how nothing has ever, never fucking stopped me.

Heartbroke and Whirring

20 Jan

This is a season in which I have to remind myself that this world is filled with infinite things, both good and bad. I will catch-as-catch-can and get as much good-bad-ugly-joy as I can fit in my heart. The world will not run out of babies for me to birth or bad days for me to get through. No one will eat them all up, not even my ex-husband or women whose hairdos I admire. We can all have pretty things and huge disappointments and buy houses and have first kisses and be really scared. I can do all of these things independently of what anyone else is doing, and I will and I should.