I’m A Fool and You’re Another

21 Sep

My heart is broken. I find myself rushing through tasks and conversations so that I can get back to being heartbroken. It feels like a full time job but I already have lots of jobs. I have a lot of hurting and working to do in a day and like so many things, I am the only one who can do it.

I know it is gauche to say you are heartbroken, but I think it should come back into fashion. Why are we not admitting to one another how broken we are? Maybe there would be less hurt in general if we were more honest with one another. I am broken hearted. My heart is broken.

I am saying it because it’s true and also because I want the man who broke my heart to know that this is the case. We should know the effect we have on people. We should know that in some ways, we are weapons. I cannot be aloof. I feel frantic and confused and weak under the weight of every single day without him stretching before me. I feel shameful and silly about all the kisses and hours I spent on him. I feel betrayed by my own heart, because when I say cease and desist, it does not.

Today, I am dying by inches. But the worst part is that I will also get better by inches and one day this won’t matter. And that seems like such a fucking shame.

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